10 Days to go!

Are you ready yet? :) Who is ever ready for christmas eh? Not me any ways lol. *she says with mouth full of chocolate coins*

Picture from:

How to find your animal Totem

I did not know what my animal totem was, but i felt it was time to take a different path and gather information that may help me on my travels. This site asks many questions, all of which will help you decide which animal totem is right for you. I found that i actually did have an idea as to my animal totems :) but there was also one that i had not considered either. You might find the Animal horoscope's interesting too.

Well after almost 36hours of solid sleep the Dink is feeling quite alot better! Stomach bugs are evil and this one got its claws right into me. Anyways i dedicate this blog to my friend Wild Mother Lightning, who came to my rescue in my hour of need, with out her my daughter would still be at school hehe :) And because its not long now till her baby is due... Thinking of you missy :)

Poster calendar for 2006

Now available a new poster calendar! woo :) Buy it here.

Different to the other one which has one picture per month.

No news here apart from that.. too busy fighting off nasty stomach bug germs v__v


Happy holiday vibes to all!

Whats in a name?

Numerology... seems its my new thing. Once again just passing through.

There are 15 letters in your name.
Those 15 letters total to 83
There are 5 vowels and 10 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 11

The characteristics of #11 are: High spiritual plane, intuitive, illumination, idealist, a dreamer.

The expression or destiny for #11:
Your Expression number is 11. The number 11 is the first of the master numbers. It is associated with idealistic concepts and rather spiritual issues. Accordingly, it is a number with potentials that are somewhat more difficult to live up to. You have the capacity to be inspirational, and the ability to lead merely by your own example. An inborn inner strength and awareness can make you an excellent teacher, social worker, philosopher, or advisor. No matter what area of work you pursue, you are very aware and sensitive to the highest sense of your environment. Your intuition is very strong; in fact, many psychic people and those involved in occult studies have the number 11 expression. You possess a good mind with keen analytical ability. Because of this you can probably succeed in most lines of work, however, you will do better and be happier outside of the business world. Oddly enough, even here you generally succeed, owing to your often original and unusual approach. Nonetheless, you are more content working with your ideals, rather than dollars and cents.

The positive aspect of the number 11 expression is an always idealistic attitude. Your thinking is long term, and you are able to grasp the far-reaching effects of actions and plans. You are disappointed by the shortsighted views of many of your contemporaries. You are deeply concerned and supportive of art, music, or of beauty in any form.

The negative attitudes associated with the number 11 expression include a continuous sense of nervous tension; you may be too sensitive and temperamental. You tend to dream a lot and may be more of a dreamer than a doer. Fantasy and reality sometimes become intermingled and you are sometimes very impractical. You tend to want to spread the illumination of your knowledge to others irrespective of their desire or need.

Your Soul Urge number is: 6

A Soul Urge number of 6 means:
With a number 6 Soul Urge, you would like to be appreciated for your ability to handle responsibility. Your home and family are likely to be a strong focus for you, perhaps the strongest focus of your life. Friendship, love, and affection are high on your list of priorities for a happy life. You have a lot of diplomatic tendencies in your makeup, as you a able to rectify and balance situations with an innate skill. You like working with people rather than by yourself. It is extremely important for you to have harmony in your environment at all times.

The positive side of the 6 Soul Urge produces a huge capacity for responsibility; you are always there and ready to assume more than your share of the load. If you possess positive 6 Soul Urges and express them, you are known for your generosity, understanding and deep sympathetic attitude. Strong 6 energy is very giving of love, affection, and emotional support. You may have the inclination to teach or serve your community in other idealistic ways. You have natural abilities to help people. You are also likely to have artistic and creative leanings.

If you have an over-supply of 6 energy in your makeup, you may express some of the negative traits common to this number. With such a strong sympathetic attitude, it is easy to become too emotional. Sometimes the desires to render help can be over done, and it can become interfering and an attitude that is too protective, rather than helpful. The person with too much 6 energy often finds that people tend to take advantage of this very giving spirit. You may tend to repress your own needs so that you can cater to the demands from others. At times, there may be a tendency in this, for becoming over-loaded with such demands, and as a result become resentful.

Your Inner Dream number is: 5

An Inner Dream number of 5 means:
You dream of being totally free and unrestrained by responsibility. You see yourself conversing and mingling with the natives in many nations, living for adventure and life experiences. You imagine what you might accomplished.

Try it out for yourself here. Mines been pretty spot on whatever i look up.

Just passing through....

Birthday Calculator.
try it out ^ thats a link lol

You entered: 6/18/1974

Your date of conception was on or about 25 September 1973 which was a Tuesday.

You were born on a Tuesday
under the astrological sign Gemini.
Your Life path number is 9 .The Life Path Number = The Life Path is the sum of the birth date. This number represents who you are at birth and the native traits that you will carry with you through life. The most important number that will be discussed here is your Life Path number. The Life Path describes the nature of this journey through life.

9 = The keys to the nature of a Life Path number 9 person are compassion, generosity, and a very humanitarian attitude. This is the lesson that must be learned in this life. Usually this number produces an individual that is very trustworthy and honorable, and one unlikely to harbor any sort of prejudice. Obviously, this is a rather tall order, but you are, in fact, a person that feels very deeply for individuals less fortunate than yourself, and if you are in a position to help, you certainly will. You tend to be quite sensitive, as you see the world with much feeling and compassion. The 9, being the highest of the single digit numbers, holds an elevated position and poses certain responsibilities. The purpose of life for those with a 9 life path is of a philosophical nature. Judges, spiritual leaders, healers and educators frequently have much 9 energy. Material gains are not overly important, although the quality of some life path 9 people is such that they are materially rewarded in very significant ways. Often, the number 9 life path requires a very selfless attitude and the giving up of material possessions for the common good. Even the very average of those with life path 9 possess extremely compassionate tendencies. The desire to help others, especially the troubled or underprivileged, is strong. You are apt to frequently find yourself being used and let down by others, as your generosity is misused and abused.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2442216.5. Julian date = The number of days since noon 4713 BC January 1.


The golden number for 1974 is 18. Golden Number = A number showing the year of the lunar or Metonic cycle. It is reckoned from 1 to 19, and is so called from having formerly been written in the calendar in gold.

The epact number for 1974 is 6. Epact Number = The moon's age at the beginning of the calendar year, or the number of days by which the last new moon has preceded the beginning of the year.

The year 1974 was not a leap year.

As of 11/23/2005 6:21:43 AM EST
You are 31 years old.
You are 377 months old.
You are 1,640 weeks old.
You are 11,481 days old.
You are 275,550 hours old.
You are 16,533,021 minutes old.
You are 991,981,303 seconds old.
Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 4.49354207436399 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)

There are 207 days till your next birthday on which your cake will have 32 candles

Those 32 candles produce 32 BTUs, or 8,064 calories of heat (that's only 8.0640 food Calories!) .
You can boil 3.66 US ounces of water with that many candles.

In 1974 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.
In 1974 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.
In 1974 in the US there were approximately 2,158,802 marriages (10.6%) and 708,000 divorces (3.5%)
In 1974 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)

Your birthstone is Alexandrite
The Mystical properties of Alexandrite
Alexandrite can assist one in centering the self, reinforcing self-esteem, and augmenting ones ability to experience joy.

Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Pearl, Moonstone, Opal

Your birth tree is = Fig Tree, the Sensibility

Very strong, a bit self-willed, independent, does not allow contradiction or arguments, loves life, its family, children and animals, a bit of a butterfly, good sense of humour, likes idleness and laziness, of practical talent and intelligence.

There are 32 days till Christmas 2005!

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waning crescent.

Christmas Cards now available at

'Dinks' Designs

To dump, to drop, to unload!

If you are as old as me and like Ben Elton then u will get the title.

Right anyways i shall say the same here as i have else where....
Im tired... really really tired... i've over stretched myself in more than one direction. Emotionally, physically and mentally, in reality and on the net... shame it didnt make me thinner

lol

So im gonna step out of my life for a bit. Gonna go THERE and mong out until i can create a piece of art.....

Every now and again i get life overload haha. Im a girl who was born before internet and mobile phones, of being able to go somewhere and not be contacted. Im a girl who is used to waiting for things, personally i enjoy delayed gratification but with the internet etc u dont get that so much imo, it makes me wired and i end up feeling rushed! The thing is i really like the internet but there is so much to interact with i get swept away with it all and then get system overload. The net takes and takes and doesnt really give alot back unless you know what you are doing or have stacks of time in which to get it. I guess i am impacient in one way, i want to learn everything all in one go. I want to be a distant part of all the fun places on the net i like to visit. Its just i dont seem to have enough time for me, real life and the net *shrugs* Maybe i need life classes lol.

On the net is where i talk to my long distance boyfriend, keep in contact with my abroard family, its where i message my net friends, share pictures and art, learn stuff, get information see things and play to name just a few things. My computer is the window to this world, id like to be able to have two or more heads :) or even plugging the computer screen into my eyes.
Id like to be able to do all the things that i do on the net as im doing my real life stuff! Cos when im here im not in reality, and if i get behind with reality then i want to be here more to escape the backlog in real life... u keeping up? ;)
Maybe its cos i try to be in too many places that i like, why cant it all be in one place? If you go see what THERE is about then u will see why i like to escape there, its fun, u can learn things, talk to people... well ok its like reality but without the real haha.
Im just a saddo that cant deal with too much technology and do all the real arty farty stuff and family and net blah blah all in one go! so i thought i would unload that out of my head, drop it off here and then im gonna take a break from blogs and comments, clubs, communitys and the places i normally go, im gonna have a few days chill out in there. Then im gonna create some real life art. Or try at least.

The meds i have been on since May kinda block all my creativity in more ways than one... plus im wanting to be somewhere else all the time, and as much as i love my partner being in a long distance relationship isnt easy on your spirit. We get to see each other, we have a lovely time then he or i have to go again, its torture over and over... but we will make it through this and i will of learnt some life lessons along the way. Its all a test right?

Gotta go see the doc again tomorrow, cant belive its been two months since i last saw him! He still doesn't know whats best for me, but i guess i best go show my face. Not that im gonna fake how i feel just for him. Its about time they looked properly into other types of treatments for PMDD. I was actually wondering the other day how the full moon effects me. My hormones seem to play me up alot more when it is indeed a full moon or nearing one. maybe im a werewolf??


More like an old bat or something! LOL

hmm interesting... the moon does effect us in more ways than we know! im gonna have to look into this.

Quiz pinched off wild motherlightenings site ^__^

what a load of poop hehe ;)

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	4.8
Mind:	4.1
Body:	6.4
Spirit:	4.5
Friends/Family:	2.3
Love:	5.4
Finance:	6.3
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

thats just sad lol my life is better than a number! .... C YA!

2006 Calendar now for sale.

Created by me the Dink :) Enjoy! 12 flower shots one for each month of the year, some macro some not. You can find it for sale Here.

fluffy booboo bear

hehe couldnt resist!

Im a Faerie Lover!

Hehe well i could of told you i love the Fae without doing that survey ;) Looks like ive been bitten by more than one bug this week.


youre the fairy lover, always thinking of others
around you, you always look on the bright side
of life


What kind of fairy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Fun loving, childish, innocent and pure.
You are a sprite of the Air: Fun loving and
childish your naive nature only enhances how
truly cute you are! You may come off as too
childish but only because your not burdened
with all the rules and regulations of
adulthood. You are carefree most of the time
spending your days playing tag or naming all
the clouds you see in the sky. You are
generally kind to everyone because you have
lots of love and happiness to share! Making
friends comes easy because they strive for the
innocence you possess but be careful, being as
nice and kind hearted as you are people will
try to manipulate your nature if they have not
already. Don't ever let anyone mold you to
their standards although I doubt anyone could.


.::=What type of Mythical Sprite are you?=::. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla

Happy Halloween!!!

My gift to you...

sent to me from him who got it from someone else, have fun! we did :)

Blog roll me!

Click to add!

Flutter by butterfly

Im in relaxed state at the mo! if you can go for a polarity rebalancing massage do! Thats what i think it was called anyways.... sure does get you buzzin and those toxins shifting out of your system.

Anyways i was looking for a domain name with dinky in it and i found this cute little site.

i like the music on it.


Then i found this questionaire thingy about eyes...gotta love eyes!

BUTTERFLY EYES

It says i have ButterflyEyes!
Positive Traits: Thoughtful, Intelligent, Humble, Clever, Open Minded
Negative Traits: Elitist, Conceited, Apathetic, Cold, Sarcastic

What type of eyes do you have?
Dunno if i agree with all that it says about mine ;)

----------------------------------------
Stuck for Christmas Gifts? Why not Buy My Art!?

Card designs can be found at 'Dinks Designs'

'Dink Prints'
Here you can find an interesting selection of Photographic Prints, mugs, postcards, jigsaws, coasters, magnets and mouse mats.

Or if you are just wanting something to browse why not visit my 'Dink Space' web site?

i cant sleep....

What would i do without the internet eh? :))

My new cheerleader name is Caitlin Le' Blanc - new cheer captain.

My Your Opposite sex name is: is Kevin.

My name means You have no life but will end up a millionare..

My Kitten name is Sparkle Perrywinkle.

My fairy name is Honeysuckle Whistling Winkle.

My My friends would really like to call me: is snickerdoodle.

My dragon name is Celtore the Ice Belower (Silver Dragon).

My very British name is Chloe Wilkinson.
My japanese name is Hara (wilderness) Michiyo (three thousand generations).

Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

My friend ^___^

The Shamanic Wanderings of Wild Mother Lightning

Sending out happy vibes to Wild Mother lightning. Welcome to Blog land missy :)

Hungry

Smorgasbord Sunday... It's What's for Dinner

some yummy stuff here... *drooling!*

**Trumpets** i do belive im tipsy!

Did you notice id gone? ;)

Which muppet are you most like?
Scooter!

You scored 60 Mood and 48 Energy!
You are cheery, energetic and achievement oriented. You are a hard worker and you are proud of your accomplishments.


My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 42% on Mood
You scored higher than 14% on Energy

Yay im a muppet!! nothing new there eh? lol

What is your 'real' age?

You are 44 years old!!
My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 54% on Age

Tests off of Ok Cupid

That makes me 13 years older than i really am! *sob* ;) lol

Bloody hell! had written tons here but in my stupidity i just lost the lot! grrrr
Maybe im more than tipsy lol...cant remember or be arsed to re-write it...summit about the doc being usless ;) and

over 100 conkers! woohoo go Pud! And book 4 being released, go see my other blog for info if u want.

Now im off to go get excited about seeing my man next Friday ^__^ YAY!
*does a happy dance*

weirdness!

when i went to put my old conker boots on today my laces were already tied!

I dont think i did it and Pud cant tie laces yet... no one else lives in our house hehe wooooo



Set book number 3 free today :) go me hehe

Conker count: 26

Notice to all Cats!!!

MY GARDEN IS NOT A FOOKING TOILET!!! Grrrrrr.... how would they like it if i went and took a dump in their garden eh?? lol gross.

oooh :) we didn't see this one as a caterpillar but this is what it went from and turned into...dont ask me what type of moth it is, doesnt he have a huge smile? LOL

Other news... my short term memory is rather holey, i get night sweats, im full on thirsty all the time and iv'e been dreaming and knowing it nearly every night. I just wish i could remember them! Gotta see the doc on tuesday as last weekend i realised these meds cant be working right... i kinda lost the plot and totally freaked my other half out. Not good to scare the man who u want to live with before he has moved in! hehehe
Well he asked how i was..i lied and said i was ok, but later texted him the truth, yea i was a chicken. Maybe i shouldnt of told him at all? But what with my mum away till late november and no other family to talk too i kinda wanted some support and a friendly ear....it kinda blew up in my face. I guess if you are a bloke then girly stuff is hard to understand let alone when your girl suffers from PMDD . Trust me it isnt something i would wish upon anyone. But yea saturday/sunday just gone are not days i would like to repeat, i dont think ive ever been that bad off meds let alone on them! Psycotic, paronoid, self distructive, vicious me..... dunno about him being scared Lol...i was terrified!

On another topic, Ofstead suddenly decided to spot check the school... i did not ring them. But i did write a letter about what i thought about the climbing frame/play equiptment, should get the results back soon.

i have a baby slug that lives in my front room! i should take a picture, i havent got a clue where it hides in the day, or what it eats but it stays by the window and only comes out at night. Seems happy enough so i shall leave my carpet slug alone.

Conker collection count 19

Thats it for tonight... Dink the recluse climbing back under her rock till next time.

Tying up the loose ends.... kinda

Does anyone else have problems with piles of paper? I swear it follows me about... every now and again i have to have a serious re-cycle!
I have pictures that i havent completed, thats both on paper and virtual ... letters i havent written, bills that need paying and i always leave them till the last second LOL. I have sewing that i start, and craft bits i never quite get to use...Books ive brought and never read, web pages i save and never go back and look at... things i need to do like back up my files, create a new web site, sort out my photographs, finish learning to spin and speak Spanish and Japanese, how to do vector and pixel art! *faints* I have a couple of commissions i havent quite finished, a painting i promised someone like 10 months ago that i cant get my head intooh yea and a half stripped Kitchen the wallpaper just had to go (sort of)....blah blah My list is endless heehee

Can you tell me why i have a habit of starting one thing and before i finish it i move on to the next? Its a most bizarre habit that i have always done, i know im doing it and yet i dont seem to be quite able to change it lol... imo its not a bad thing from where im looking at it from. Honest guv!
So today has been tying or trying to tie up some bits...

Have i?
Well i paid my bills, and wrote a letter without using web talk or lol!! Chucked a ton of paper...ummm

yea u get the idea.....its everyone else that makes it feel like im disorganised :) i blame it on being a busy working single mum with a partner who lives half way across the country..... never enough time. LOL

My mess is part of me ;)


Visit

Poor Pud

my baby fell off the new adventure playground thing at school today :( shes only been back 2 days!

Edit: shes able to sit down now (saturday) School said they hadnt had the play equiptment checked by health and safety...i suggested they did!

wheyhey!

Well today im not falling asleep as i type... lol that was soo funny!

WANT TO HELP KATRINA'S VICTIMS? GIVE 15 MINUTES OF YOUR TIME TODAY TO PASS ALONG MESSAGES FOR PEOPLE IN NEED. [click here if you can help]

Went to hunt a book on Friday, got so excited as it was going to be my first from the wild... no i havent gone mad see >> Books just wanna be FREE! See what I mean at: http://bookcrossing.com/friend/ickledink anyways i trecked all the way over to where i thought it would be... searched for it in the releases. Got all excited as we approached the shop... got to the book shelf...read all the spines and...and... it wasnt there :( Someone had already got it....booo lol. I so wanted it to be there! Not to worry i had a good mooch round the market and got me a bargain, and i got to set one of my books free. Yay for me :D

I think im in candy heaven! i so have to try some of that stuff!

im...molting...moltingggg!!!

i do believe if i loose much more hair i will be bald :D

updated new cards added >> 'Dinks' Designs

sooo tired, speak 2morro cant type any moooooorrre.

negatorization!!!

Over the weekend i realised that i see my body image in a very very negative light! *faints* That is so gonna have to change... lol. I guess its been since i gave up smoking as i have put on a whole 6 pounds in weight in the last 3 or so months... yea its not alot but ive always been the same weight, [give or take a pound or so] apart from when i was pregnant! So 6lb makes a difference to me. :p

Didn't realise i saw myself this way till i was on the beach on the weekend and im seeing all these half naked 'large' people and im disgusted...not with them, nooo im disgusted with myself..the fact that they are happy with their body shapes, made me envious. This showed as hostile moaning... oh so not good!
How sad am i?? Especially as i should of being enjoying my partners company >__< ..maybe its the start of a mid life crisis LOL after all i am 31.......

other blabbage... hmm if you have a pair of shoes for 15 or so years and never step in summit nasty, does that mean if you get dog crap all over your new boots they are unlucky?? Bloody dirty dog owners! meh... *i so didn't see the big poopy* grrrrr

forgot to mention i have a piece of my art in the
f*ck valentines day gallery
if you want to look. Im listed under ickledink. :)

Question of the day... how much thinking will it take to make my head turn inside out?
Answer: you might find out tomorro!

oink oink...

Damm the piggys were cute awww...wanted to sneak one home but pud wouldnt let me...

Sausages :p

i got to hold the one in the middle... think there were 6 in total, but everyone of the adults wanted to hold them, so i couldnt catch them all on camera... hehe the kids were not allowed to hold them :D so soft and warm...and wriggly! *ahem* haha

Off on a tangent ...been a bit of a freaky week... or was it last week? hmm anyways.... dad nearly fell off the roof of the extension he is building *__*
lucky for him he has quick reflexes! i do believe he scared himself enough to get a few more grey hairs.

..... my thoughts have been with my friends and family alot last week. Like i said before alot of good/bad luck flying about.

Hyper excited!!!!!!

is it sad that after waiting nearly 3 months i collected my boots today...not only did i get really excited before picking them up... im hyper happy excited now!! LMAO :) :)

Post ya a piccy sometime......

off to feed the piggies tomorro wooooooo....might wear my old boots for that Lol.

dark....un light

i..can see you .......in xamtown

Bookage :)

The wanderer returns :) Been reading on a train whoooo...was great to see my other half weekend before last.... better than great infact. hehe steady on i hear you say thats twice in the last 2 months! *faints* lol :p

Tell me where the time goes... anyways, things are grey and balanced at the mo with the meds, doc says i should stay on em for a few more months...id like to not but seeing as i took myself off em when i had post natal deppression i shall do as i am told this time :p
I really dont like the side effects tho... sleeping too much or not being able to sleep, being unbeliveably thirsty all the time, unable to complete a thought process or come up with a decent idea, my memory sucks even more than it did before, plus it doesnt stop any of my pmt symptoms :) lol

Anyways im not here to tell you about that :)

found this really cool site its about setting books free into the wild heehee... go look >>

Books just wanna be FREE! See what I mean at:
http://bookcrossing.com/friend/ickledink

i will be hunting some down soon and might even set one or two free... maybe you will find one? if u do let me know yea :)

OMG!!!!!

i cant belive its been nearly 6 weeks since i posted anything.... yup im still on my medication. My hormones still play me up which is still causing my depression to kick in now and again. The meds make me forgetful, they totally stop my creativity, they numb me but they stop my temper flairing. i cant win can i?? ;)

Im still not smoking its been months now and it doesnt bother me at all, i kinda find the smell on ppl a bit gross to be honest, today was the first day since i was about 13 that i actually run anywhere and not totally die of hyperventilating LOL.

Been taking loads of photographs, but broke the little catch on my digi where the batterys go, im gonna have to watch that, mind the batterys dont fall out :) I really should take more photos on real film.

Talking of which we watched Madagascar... i didnt rate it very much altho it does have a few good funny lines in it, Pud cried at one point and said it made her sad hehe.
I watched con air also which is a great film.
Mr and Mrs smith i thought was great, but deffinatly a girly film.
Lemony snickets is my fave of the year, the set designs and photography are just delicious. a deffinate must see.

Updated alot of my prints on Deviant art, so go buy them :D

thats all for now...too tired to type! LoL

OH.... ps I spent the most wonderful birthday with my Bloke.... after 7 and a bit months it was oh so worth the wait :D *big cheesy grin*

Whats the score 2 weeks on?

Hmmm...

well the first week of medication i would of said it was making me feel a little more relaxed, but then my PMT kicked in and i can safely say that the meds dont have any effect on my hormones what so ever! That makes me laugh because even tho i wasnt put on this medication because of my hormones, they do prescribe this drug to treat PMDD which is what i have *shrugs*

so therefore i have felt like im gonna explode, up tight agro all the usual symptoms but i guess a little bit numbed, i just cant seem to relax. bummer eh? No Deppression tho. weird.

On the art front, i still have no inspiration.

*Wishes this week would end*

oh yea Happy Birthday sis x

How do you feel?

grrrrr.... meds yea they work and normalise me, but i still have PMT so at the mo i want to kill you!!

Medicated

hmm... how do i feel today?? Normal? :D

well i saw the doc on tuesday, he was very understanding. I hate having to ask for help and i mean any type, makes me feel like a faliure. Told him i really didnt want to take meds but its got beyond a joke. They really need to do some research into PMDD and hormonal stuff.

So there u have it im depressed lol... on a months sertraline (think thats how its spelt) to start with... weird stuff, i was put on it when i had post natal depression. it makes u feel a bit sleepy i guess, id say more like stoned :D im ok until i get a bit tired then i cant string a sentance together... nah its not like being stoned, milder... i have a time delay between my reaction to stuff and the action my body takes... i get to think about stuff for a split second longer.. im more relaxed. not freakin out all the time, or crying :D yay! Guess i could be a bit emotionless... there was summit on the tv that may of made me cry before but didnt tonight *shrugs* i felt nothing... made a nice change! ive been emotionally wired for way too long. Memory loss thats another down side... i forget things really quickly oh yea and im quite thirsty all the time or is it just my mouth is dry? hmm :)

right gotta crash out my eyes are going walk abouts LOL

night invisable ppl :)

Masking it

http://tn3-1.deviantart.com/300W/fs4.deviantart.com/i/2004/217/4/a/Facade.jpg

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/9488155/

wonder if that will work :) go look see... thats some of my art work.

Putting a smile on... hoping no one will see the wires lol... im dreading going to see the doc tomorro... i dont want to tell him the truth, i want to pretend its just a phase and it will go on its own.

be all ok soon. gonna distract myself with plaster and gauze :D

Mentally exhausted

Im shattered.... one minute im ok, plodding along i can do this type of place then im down in a dark hole pitying myself and crying my eyes out... very not me!!

I miss my man so much it feels like i would suffocate at times.. i know i wont ;) Ive just got into this shitty mind set... the missing him combined with other reality crap, and ive ended up here yet again...yes i see it, no i dont want to admit it. but im tired of being a fake.. Im faking being happy and thats a messed up place to be, so i have a docs appointment on tuesday.. to 'discuss' stuff. I dont want to discuss stuff! But people are starting to notice :p

i want to sleep all the time... zzz bliss mmm..trouble is i cant get to sleep in the first place! then i cant wake up in the morning to get on with my day *shrugs*
my skin is shot to pieces...i say im toxic to myself LOL
i get hungry but i have to force the food down my throat.. i just cant seem to swallow it.
i cant focus on anything, which means i cant think which makes me ratty...its like there 20 voices all talking in my head at once... i end up not being able to hear any of them... the voices are my thoughts ok..im not that mad yet! ;)
i dont want to move... rather just sleep.
i doubt myself to a point where i think whats the point
i dont want to have to think, not that i can lol. I mean i want to forget my responsabilitys..being a mum and working are such a strain at the mo...ive been shirking work, and i just want to sit with Pud and cuddle up. She has been so good thru all this...

so when i get a minute of clarity i want to get all the crap out and put it here for the time being :D

to top it off... its gonna be another 4 months till i see my boyfriend... :( :( that will be a total of over 10!

missing you like crazy babe xx [hehe not like u gonna read this tho is it? :) ]

Do i feel better yet?

i guess my last post was a bit full on... im just missing him so much its making my soul ache. We will get to see each other eventually... im having a hard time waiting, not waiting for him, waiting as in hes only 350 miles away and id like him in my arms :( *achy chest* its gonna be ok... but like i said i gotta see the docs and get my head checked. Anyways... normallity resumes for a bit...

Nature girl... walked home from school thru the woods yesterday, we strayed off the path.. woooo well had to go stand on a huge! tree stump.... dunno about you and natures vibes .... but the energy coming off it was bizzarely strong even though it had been cut down. i counted 120 rings then couldnt see them clearly in the last 2 inches, i brought some of its broken bark home... bringing the outside in, maybe thats why i got so many bugs in my house at the mo...??


Can i get a..... ?? still searching for the latest request... feel free to come play.


Just described myself in 15 words, no phrases, things I find positive and negative. forum at hop.
in no particular order...me at the mo

1. sensitive
2. strong
3. Passionate
4. shy
5. gullible
6. smiley
7. unbalanced
8. disorganised
9. flawed
10. artistic
11.empathic
12. stubborn
13. dis-connected
14. sexual
15. random


What about you?

*_*

shes winning and im not. she tells me bad things...i know different, but at the mo i dont belive it. but then i dont belive in anything at the mo..

the real Dink is exhausted and weak.. The real dink needs to feel loved. the real Dink needs to see a doctor before she dissapears :(

even if i did you wouldnt notice would you?

sometimes....

Sometimes it takes a slap... yes its true :) no not a real one a virtual one.

I cried for help, by admitting i thought i was loosing the plot. Some one clarifyed everything i already knew deep down, but man is it like a slap in the face :) Its a good thing. I need it everynow and again.

now i can get back to normal :)

thanks!

oooh

Well today was the day my man was meant to come home .....

gonna be another 5-8 weeks *sigh* oh well...just signed up for ebay and stock exchange so that should keep me out of trouble for 10 mins or so :D hehe

where is the time going?

been over 70 days now! Seems like longer some days...altho this week has sped by! :) yay *does a little dance* ;)


just watched a program about contacting spirits, it was a test so was a set up but was interesting none the less. Maybe we all are just sheep? All about mind control...very spooky. Turned out in the end that the lady who was the spirit they were contacting was alive and well. But man did the people doing the 'test' scream alot :D

Circle of friends...

A circle of friendship and of friends....

well bloody 'ell :D

my my its 2005! been a while since i checked in here :D like u all missed me eh? :P

So i wrote my review on my phone...got nominated for a crown which was pretty cool... means its good.. ok. Never had that response before :) Its not like im there often or even write alot *shrugs* guess i got lucky!

My man has been gone for 52 days!...kinda went real slow at first, few ups and downs too..but its getting a little easier now the festive season has gone , havent got a clue why that is tho :) I look forward to hearing from him *awww*

Right im off to go look at college courses! gonna write my next blog on Carbon so be warned ;)