How do you feel?

grrrrr.... meds yea they work and normalise me, but i still have PMT so at the mo i want to kill you!!

Medicated

hmm... how do i feel today?? Normal? :D

well i saw the doc on tuesday, he was very understanding. I hate having to ask for help and i mean any type, makes me feel like a faliure. Told him i really didnt want to take meds but its got beyond a joke. They really need to do some research into PMDD and hormonal stuff.

So there u have it im depressed lol... on a months sertraline (think thats how its spelt) to start with... weird stuff, i was put on it when i had post natal depression. it makes u feel a bit sleepy i guess, id say more like stoned :D im ok until i get a bit tired then i cant string a sentance together... nah its not like being stoned, milder... i have a time delay between my reaction to stuff and the action my body takes... i get to think about stuff for a split second longer.. im more relaxed. not freakin out all the time, or crying :D yay! Guess i could be a bit emotionless... there was summit on the tv that may of made me cry before but didnt tonight *shrugs* i felt nothing... made a nice change! ive been emotionally wired for way too long. Memory loss thats another down side... i forget things really quickly oh yea and im quite thirsty all the time or is it just my mouth is dry? hmm :)

right gotta crash out my eyes are going walk abouts LOL

night invisable ppl :)

Masking it

http://tn3-1.deviantart.com/300W/fs4.deviantart.com/i/2004/217/4/a/Facade.jpg

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/9488155/

wonder if that will work :) go look see... thats some of my art work.

Putting a smile on... hoping no one will see the wires lol... im dreading going to see the doc tomorro... i dont want to tell him the truth, i want to pretend its just a phase and it will go on its own.

be all ok soon. gonna distract myself with plaster and gauze :D

Mentally exhausted

Im shattered.... one minute im ok, plodding along i can do this type of place then im down in a dark hole pitying myself and crying my eyes out... very not me!!

I miss my man so much it feels like i would suffocate at times.. i know i wont ;) Ive just got into this shitty mind set... the missing him combined with other reality crap, and ive ended up here yet again...yes i see it, no i dont want to admit it. but im tired of being a fake.. Im faking being happy and thats a messed up place to be, so i have a docs appointment on tuesday.. to 'discuss' stuff. I dont want to discuss stuff! But people are starting to notice :p

i want to sleep all the time... zzz bliss mmm..trouble is i cant get to sleep in the first place! then i cant wake up in the morning to get on with my day *shrugs*
my skin is shot to pieces...i say im toxic to myself LOL
i get hungry but i have to force the food down my throat.. i just cant seem to swallow it.
i cant focus on anything, which means i cant think which makes me ratty...its like there 20 voices all talking in my head at once... i end up not being able to hear any of them... the voices are my thoughts ok..im not that mad yet! ;)
i dont want to move... rather just sleep.
i doubt myself to a point where i think whats the point
i dont want to have to think, not that i can lol. I mean i want to forget my responsabilitys..being a mum and working are such a strain at the mo...ive been shirking work, and i just want to sit with Pud and cuddle up. She has been so good thru all this...

so when i get a minute of clarity i want to get all the crap out and put it here for the time being :D

to top it off... its gonna be another 4 months till i see my boyfriend... :( :( that will be a total of over 10!

missing you like crazy babe xx [hehe not like u gonna read this tho is it? :) ]

Do i feel better yet?

i guess my last post was a bit full on... im just missing him so much its making my soul ache. We will get to see each other eventually... im having a hard time waiting, not waiting for him, waiting as in hes only 350 miles away and id like him in my arms :( *achy chest* its gonna be ok... but like i said i gotta see the docs and get my head checked. Anyways... normallity resumes for a bit...

Nature girl... walked home from school thru the woods yesterday, we strayed off the path.. woooo well had to go stand on a huge! tree stump.... dunno about you and natures vibes .... but the energy coming off it was bizzarely strong even though it had been cut down. i counted 120 rings then couldnt see them clearly in the last 2 inches, i brought some of its broken bark home... bringing the outside in, maybe thats why i got so many bugs in my house at the mo...??


Can i get a..... ?? still searching for the latest request... feel free to come play.


Just described myself in 15 words, no phrases, things I find positive and negative. forum at hop.
in no particular order...me at the mo

1. sensitive
2. strong
3. Passionate
4. shy
5. gullible
6. smiley
7. unbalanced
8. disorganised
9. flawed
10. artistic
11.empathic
12. stubborn
13. dis-connected
14. sexual
15. random


What about you?

*_*

shes winning and im not. she tells me bad things...i know different, but at the mo i dont belive it. but then i dont belive in anything at the mo..

the real Dink is exhausted and weak.. The real dink needs to feel loved. the real Dink needs to see a doctor before she dissapears :(

even if i did you wouldnt notice would you?