Im shattered.... one minute im ok, plodding along i can do this type of place then im down in a dark hole pitying myself and crying my eyes out... very not me!!
I miss my man so much it feels like i would suffocate at times.. i know i wont ;) Ive just got into this shitty mind set... the missing him combined with other reality crap, and ive ended up here yet again...yes i see it, no i dont want to admit it. but im tired of being a fake.. Im faking being happy and thats a messed up place to be, so i have a docs appointment on tuesday.. to 'discuss' stuff. I dont want to discuss stuff! But people are starting to notice :p
i want to sleep all the time... zzz bliss mmm..trouble is i cant get to sleep in the first place! then i cant wake up in the morning to get on with my day *shrugs*
my skin is shot to pieces...i say im toxic to myself LOL
i get hungry but i have to force the food down my throat.. i just cant seem to swallow it.
i cant focus on anything, which means i cant think which makes me ratty...its like there 20 voices all talking in my head at once... i end up not being able to hear any of them... the voices are my thoughts ok..im not that mad yet! ;)
i dont want to move... rather just sleep.
i doubt myself to a point where i think whats the point
i dont want to have to think, not that i can lol. I mean i want to forget my responsabilitys..being a mum and working are such a strain at the mo...ive been shirking work, and i just want to sit with Pud and cuddle up. She has been so good thru all this...
so when i get a minute of clarity i want to get all the crap out and put it here for the time being :D
to top it off... its gonna be another 4 months till i see my boyfriend... :( :( that will be a total of over 10!
missing you like crazy babe xx [hehe not like u gonna read this tho is it? :) ]
The One Million Masterpiece
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